April 10, 1997 (Sixth Grade - I am 11 years old)
A year and a few months has passed. Let’s get caught up. First off, I had a short crush on a guy named Devin S., but Colleen is going out with him, which suits me just fine (he’s practically my best friend).
At the beginning of the year, I met a girl named Katie. We are best friends. I even have a secret language with her. It’s called Keltieian.
I still like chimpanzees, but I want to be a writer when I grow up, because I would like to have a lot of time to spend with my children.
Speaking of kids, I have come up with much better names. Girls: Marley, Skyler, Jenna, Chloe (I still like this one), Gabriel. Boys: Dan, Tyler, Taylor, William (Liam, Willy), Tucker (Tuck). These are much better names for my children.
I’m not quite positive about who I like right now, but I think I like a boy named Julian. He is one of my real good friends. He is nice (well, he is a boy!), and he’s cute.
I don’t really know.
Right now, I like to concentrate on my friendship with Katie. She is so nice, and she is really thoughtful, and friendly. Plus we have a great time gossiping! Bye! Until Tomorrow! Chow!*
*I can only assume I meant “ciao”
April 11, 1997
TGIF! Thank God It’s Friday! As you can see, it’s Friday morning. I haven’t gone to school yet, but I have something to tell you! I am going to Liam’s party. Liam is another one of my friends. Most of my friends are guys. Here is how we sit at lunch:
[An elaborate diagram follows. I will try to scan a picture of this so I can include it here]
Liam and Paul used to eat with us, but the teachers thought about it and made them eat later.
I will talk to you after school!
Hi again! I’m back from school. Liam’s party is from 6:00 to 9:00 tomorrow.
Today was chilly, but il fait beau (French for: It is beautiful out.)
I haven’t a clue what I’m going to wear. Colleen isn’t going to be there (she is in San Francisco), so Devin is going to be mopey all evening. The only people that I know are going are: Devin, Liam, Julian, Paul, Judy, Me.
That’s a ratio of 4:2, there better be some more girls there, or I’m going to flip out!!!!!! I bet that Kaki will be there. She is a favorite among all the boys!
They get all phazy** eyed when they see her, and Paul has written 2 songs about her!!! Paul knows that she doesn’t like him but he doesn’t care. He still is completely in love with her.
At Colleen’s party awhile ago, Julian kissed Kaki during spin-the-bottle, which by the way is the dumbest game on EARTH!!! Anyway, they both really got into it, cocking their heads and pursing their lips!
Paul came late to the party and so he wasn’t there when Julian kissed his crush so we were all told to shut up and keep quiet about it, so we did! Paul found out and so he asked out Jess, and now I think he likes them both.
Things got a little sticky between Julian and Paul, but now they are all over it.
Liam has dark hair and brown eyes (the only one out of all of us! He is kind of clueless, but that’s okay, so am I!)
Julian finally asked out Kaki, but she said that she just wanted to be friends. Before this, Julian had an obsession with a girl named Emily, and she also used the excuse of “I just want to be friends.” Emily told me that she hardly even knew Julian and that she wanted to get to know him better first. Now that was just plain old bull!
So, like the good friend that I am, I told Emily how Julian was, and that she should go out with him, and I told Julian that he should get to know her better.
He bought it for about 4 days and then he said that he went on to Kaki.
Unfortunately, it’s all about popularity. All the boys like the popular girls, and all the girls like the popular boys so very few people find true love. I bet if I went out with Julian for awhile, he would get bored and then it would really mess up our friendship.
Paul is a sicko and so is Ben, but Ben is the worst! He hates me! So I hate him! Ben is the biggest sicko (all he thinks about is girls). His identity is girls! That’s stupid, he doesn’t even care if people don’t see him for who he really is, which is nothing at this point, because he doesn’t have an identity!!!!!!
Now how stupid is that? Pretty STUPID!
Don’t mind me, I’m a little deranged! No need to worry. If my kids are reading this, don’t take me as an example.
REMEMBER: GET YOUR OWN IDENTITY!!!
So anyhow, my life at school is that of a gossip. That’s okay, because everyone else is too.
So this is Eli Clark on Friday April 11th, 1997 signing off for today! Bye! Chow!*** Avoir!**** See you later alligator!
(signed with the dot on the “i” in my name appearing as a paw print)
**I think I mean “hazy”
*** again, “ciao”
**** my attempt at French this time. I meant “Au revoir!”
